God, I love stupid people

I saw this video on ABC’s overnight news at work…

I laughed my ass off!

Rules of the Road

Ok. Enough VT stuff. I’m going to give the rules of the road, according to photogguy.

First, however, allow me to share my little conspiracy theory. This theory is in jest (mostly), so don’t call the guys with the white jackets. At least, not yet.

The theory goes like this. There is a group of evil people, who have monthly meetings where they discuss ways of irritating the ever-loving crap out of me by driving stupidly in front of me! The theory goes that there is a spotter near where I begin driving, be it at home, work, wherever, and once he/she/it/they/satan spots me, the rest of the group jumps into action, with the goal of driving as idiotically as human possible.

Why do I pose this theory? Years of quantifiable visual evidence. A reporter that used to work with me on Saturdays noticed it herself, even before I told her about my theory.

So, now, here are the rules. If you see me around you in traffic, please follow them before I have a stoke (unless you’re in on the conspiracy, then you can eat shit get out of my way.

1. Drive a consistent speed, especially when traveling down the freeway. Nothing frustrates me more than passing someone, only to have them speed up to pass me, then slow down again, over and over and over again. Most cars nowadays have cruise control. Use it.
2. Don’t sit at a green light, picking your nose, only to finally go when the light has turned red. I had this happen to me early Monday morning, only I was going in a different direction than him. I stopped for the red, noticing Gomer sitting there, ignoring his green light. As soon as I got the green, and began to go forward, he hit the gas. Dude, pay attention…although you probably can’t afford it.
3. If you’re lost, get off the road and look at a map. Don’t slow way the f*ck down, looking at addresses, road signs, or maps while you’re driving.
4. When driving at night, when you see an approaching vehicle, turn off the damned brights!  Oh, and don’t wait until you’re only fifty feet away to do it.
5. When entering a freeway, use the acceleration lane for what it’s designed for, acceleration.  In other words, don’t wait until you’re actually on the freeway before getting to freeway speed.
6. Conversely, use the deceleration lane correctly, to decelerate from freeway speeds.  Don’t slow down on the freeway.

These are but a few rules to be followed.  I’ll post more as they come to me.

Chronicles of the Stupid

Kevin and I were talking the other day about stupid people. This seems to be a common conversation we have, due in my opinion to the seemingly abnormally large number of stupid people we come in contact with.

That got me thinking (which can be a dangerous thing) about starting a continuing series of posts, called “Chronicles of the Stupid”. This is the beginning of what I’m sure will be many of these posts.

Yesterday, I was setting up the live truck for a noon live shot in front of a Delphi automotive parts manufacturing plant when I was approached by a guy.

“What’cha got there?”, he asked as he looked up at the raising mast.

Immediately, my stupid meter was twiching. But, since the live truck I was in is unmarked, I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt.

“A live truck.”

“Huh?”, he replied smartly.

“I work for ABC12. This is a live truck.”

“Ya didn’t get a shot of me, did ya?”, he asked while looking at my camera, still inside the truck.

“Uh, no”, I replied with thinly (ok, not real thin) disguised sarcasm. “My camera is still in the truck.” What I really wanted to say to him was “Look, if I want to take a picture of you, while you’re walking down the street, I damn well will take a picture of you, and there ain’t diddly-squat you can do about it.” But I didn’t, because I’m addicted to that paycheck I get every two weeks.

“Ok, then.” Boy, he really told me.